Good marriages are not made in heaven. They are very much made on earth, and between couples who have respect for each other. Without respect, no marriage can survive. If the man has ego, the woman has vanity. The two can’t meet unless each learns to accommodate the other.

Communication is the key.

For those who want to have a good marriage, they must learn to communicate effectively. Lack of communication breeds apathy and mistrust, which over a period destroys the best of marriages. You must therefore learn to listen to each other if you want your marriage to survive.

Arguing is not always bad.

You must not be afraid to argue when necessary. You have to discuss difficult issues openly, even if you hold totally opposite points of view. A healthy argument can clear the air and remove resentment. Otherwise, ill feelings can build up, and turn into wounds that never heal.

Don’t hold onto emotional baggage.

You must remember that every relationship will have its difficulties. There will be slights and imagined slights; frustration and fights. One option is to carry this emotional baggage with you. The other is to discard it, and focus on the good times. Your marriage will become much happier and purposeful if you do the latter.

Learn to touch each other.

You must learn to touch each other every day. A cuddle, a small touch, a gentle caress can have incredible results. It can sweep away anger and distrust, and make you feel happy and contented.

Spend more time together.

Also, learn to spend time with each other. Don’t allow your responsibilities, children or your work to come in between you. You will find that there will be less misunderstanding and more affection if you spend quality time with each other.

Have respect for each other.

An essential part of a good marriage is to respect each other. Never try to slight your partner, especially before others. It is one wound that never heals. Marriages can survive only on mutual self-respect. No one partner can assume the role of a superior.

Adapt to changes in your marriage.

You will find that as time passes your likes and dislikes may change. You might become less patient, and more demanding. Remember that just as you have a right to become more demanding so does your spouse. Such an approach or attitude is a sure recipe for disaster. There can only be conflicts and no understanding if you fail to adapt your marriage to the inevitable changes brought by time.

Remember, marriage is an emotional relationship that is always on trial. You have to learn to be emotionally secure if you want to have a marriage that can survive the ups and downs of everyday life.

by Anthony Bradley