We don’t need the services of a psychologist to tell us that the best marriages are those that are based on good communication. Yet, we rarely try to mend our ways. We carry on along our paths, hoping that somehow everything will fall into place.

At times, it does – thanks to the efforts of our partners. But mostly it does not. We allow the fault lines to deepen and reach a stage where they can no longer be bridged.

The first requirement to have good communication within a marriage is to respect each other. Men who consider their wives inferior can rarely, if ever, strike good relationships. The same is true of women. If they look down upon their husbands then they can never hope to gain their confidence and affection.

Good communication also requires good listening skills. A husband and a wife must learn to listen to each other. They must pay attention to what their spouse is saying, and respond. Very often, fault lines develop because the husband and wife don’t pay attention to what each other is saying. This can be very frustrating – for one or for both.

There should also be empathy. A spouse must show concern when things go wrong. This is the unspoken communication. One does not have to express it. Mere body language becomes a source of comfort. You feel stronger if your spouse holds your hand and says that you can overcome your misfortunes. Suddenly, you don’t feel alone. The relationship deepens.

Another way to build a relationship is to discuss uncomfortable issues. It is very hard to tell your spouse as to how your boss has mistreated you or how you have made a fool of yourself before your colleagues. It requires great courage to own up your faults. But if you have a caring spouse, and if you believe that she will stand by you, then you must discuss subjects that hurt male egos or female vanities. You will find that you have shed a big psychological burden. More than that, the emotional bonds between you and your spouse will become stronger.

The same applies to sexual relationship. Couples perform better when they respect each other, and communicate better with each other. The communication need not be through words alone. Simple acts of patting, caressing or holding hands are a great form of communication. They dissolve resentments over perceived or actual slights, bridge distances and generate positive energy.

by Anthony Bradley