Have you ever taken the time to stop and consider what you need out of your relationship? If you have, do you express these needs openly and honestly with your partner without blaming them for not having filled these needs? Or are you one of the many people out there who feel they don’t have any needs, don’t deserve to have any needs, or don’t deserve to have their needs met? (more…)

The following six rules are critical when you are ending an affair.

#1

Make it clear that this permanently and unconditionally marks the end of the relationship and that you will not be in contact with them after this. You need to make it clear that you will not respond to any attempts at further communication. You might need to repeat these necessities a number of times during your final contact with your paramour. I urge you to write down some of the potential responses that you will want to repeat so you can respond quickly and in a decisive manner by just reading them. (more…)

Do you have a feeling in your gut that’s something wrong in your relationship? That maybe, just maybe, your partner’s being unfaithful? If you do, then you have a decision to make and several options to choose from.

First, think about how sure you are of their infidelity. If you aren’t sure at all, then option 1 confronting them right now, without wasting any time is completely out of the question. Doing so could ruin the relationship because it would highlight, rightly or wrongly, that you don’t trust your partner. (more…)

Our minds aren’t perfect at remembering special details and specific facts far from it. Our brains work selectively; they store and recall certain bits of information while forgetting others. For example, you might remember for whatever reason a phone number that has little or no importance to you, but forget the birthday of someone you really should buy a present for. On the most part, this selective/subjective memory trait creates no real problems in our day to day lives. We can look up a number if we forget it, or ask a friend of a friend for the day of the month on which someone’s birthday falls. (more…)

Infidelity has different faces…and different signs and patterns.

Yes, infidelity is complex. You probably know that or perhaps feel the overwhelm and confusion.

Most I work with find tremendous relief, a sense of control, confidence and power once they pinpoint the situational signs of infidelity.

Understanding IS the beginning of healing. (more…)

by Dr. Frank Gunzburg

Once the affair is out in the open, there are seven emotions that you will undoubtedly grapple with. What follows is a brief discussion of each of them. (more…)

Almost everyone faces these eight emotions when they find out about an affair. If you think you aren’t feeling one of them, I encourage you to look very closely at yourself and make sure it isn’t there. (more…)

There are times when neglect is a little more straight-forward. In some cases, one person in the relationship is fairly explicit with what they need and the other person neglects that need, either directly or indirectly. This is absolutely poisonous to a relationship. (more…)

Before we start exploring what is going on for you specifically, we need to look at four emotions most people face that can present a real detriment to your healing process if you get bound up in them. The problem with these roadblocks isn’t necessarily the emotions themselves. (more…)

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The partner involved in the affair, plain and simple, has a difficult time saying “NO.” He/she may want to, but feels compelled to say “yes.”

People can’t say no? Well, I believe we all have the capacity, at some level, to say no. However, not all have developed that capacity or reached that level to firmly say no and mean it. (more…)

These days it’s easier than ever to communicate with people we’ve got high-speed internet connections (wireless & otherwise), mobile phones, pagers, fax machines. We can talk at the touch of a button, across cities, countries, the entire world. Furthermore, communication through these digital protocols is almost instant, fairly cheap and if you want it to be completely private and hidden. (more…)

In order to restore a relationship after your spouse has had an affair you may try the ploy:

“But I’ve changed, I’m a different person.”

And your behavior may have actually changed - some of the time.
You mistakenly may continue to accommodate in different ways or change your behavior to fit your perception of what he/she wants. (more…)

When you end the affair, you might get a feeling of withdrawal. As I stated above, being in an affair is a lot like being addicted to a drug. This means that when you end the affair you will have to go through the uncomfortable experience of withdrawal before you can be clean again. (more…)

Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number is increasing) and 60% of men at one point indulge in extramarital affairs. Put those numbers together and it is estimated that 80% of the marriages will have one spouse at one point or another involved in marital infidelity. (more…)