Wedding vows are important but for a mans point of view…they is a hidden vow that they will take you as you are and not as what you will become. Most couples begin to loose them selves gaining weight, stop taking care of them selves.

It’s easier for a woman to accept a man that gains that beer gut because it more internally for a woman…for a guy it’s different (majority).

Date eath other and see what happens…it’s worked for my wife and I going on 10 yrs strong!

Our sex life has been a frequent and sadly, a growing source of contention between us. I find it hard to cope with sex that happens usually once a month, or perhaps three times in two months if I’m lucky. I masturbate almost daily to help relieve the pressure and she knows this. I have had several discussions with my wife over my concerns and have tried to make the point that what is happening here is a source of real pain to me. I cannot help but feel that if she doesn’t lack the intelligence to understand what I am clearly saying to her, then she must lack the decency to try and do something about it. I don’t expect miracles and I do recognise that her libido is lower than mine, but I do expect her to try and what annoys me is that any effort that is made is usually token and short-lived before she regresses back to her usual ways. I really feel she lacks the will to want to change. She is not he one feeling the hurt and therefore believes she doesn’t have the problem, oblivious or perhaps ignorant of the fact that her very action (or lack thereof) is at the very crux of the issue.

We went to a sex therapist together last year. I had some concerns after about 6 sessions because the therapist called us in, went through everything we had discussed previously and announced that he felt we needed “therapy”. Practically all of the issues were identified with my wife. But I was particularly peeved with this because I had spent a lot of money to get that far only to be told things we already knew, but could not afford to go any further. With a different therapist we could perhaps have made a lot more progress in the same time, but we’ll never find out because we cannot afford to do it again.

Some of the things that the therapist mentioned sounded very gloomy because he established that my wife has a penile phobia, a dislike of semen, and viewed a penis in a very negative light. Certain sexual acts like simple oral sex are a no-no with her. These are not the sort of things any man wants to hear, let alone a married one. Part of me feels that my abstinence from sex before marriage denied us an opportunity to discover these issues much earlier, and who knows, these perhaps may have been a deal breaker then. It is her clear unwillingness to even try to change that is at the heart of this. But whatever, we are where we are and these issues are here and I’m afraid to say, perhaps insurmountable.

I have thought about leaving my wife but I do love her and I don’t want to hurt her or our two beautiful children. But I feel that I am emotionally handcuffed in a situation that I am deeply unhappy with and cannot change, improve or alter in any meaningful way. I want a sex life that is more regular, fulfilling, meaningful and loving. I don’t want to receive something that is given in an “obligatory” way for the sake of meeting an expectation or just “box ticking”. I have lost count of the times I have lay awake beside her in the dead of night trying to make sense of it all and not being able to come up with an answer and figure a way around this. I have poured my heart out to her on too many occasions only to hear the same excuses and promises with no long term improvement. But what can I do? I have run out of options. I have tried everything I can think of (weekends away, movies, flowers, shopping, clothes, romance in, meals, sexy underwear, walks on the beach, holidays, showering her with gifts (including a new car), grooming myself to the N’th degree, a new bed etc. You name it, I’ve tried it.

Pardon the French but where the f*ck do I go from here? Unless there is a miracle, I think we are headed for the rocks.