No matter what is happening in the world around us, it is never necessary to become stuck in depression, fear or other negativity. We are not the victims of the world we see, but have the ability to mobilize ourselves and create a positive, life giving response. There are simple steps to take and truths to know, which when absorbed and practiced easily turn our state of mind around – and can effect the world outside as well.

Depression and fear can easily become addictive. The longer we stay in those states of mind, the more difficult it can become to leave them. Our world grows smaller, our focus constricts, and we begin to develop catastrophic expectations which seem inevitable. In this process we lose touch with the power of our own true nature to choose, decide, renew, and to take actions which counteract the negativity that has been presented to us. In fact, it is the responsibility of every mature adult, to take the reins of his/her life back in her hands and steer it in the direction of her own choosing. This takes courage and practice, but with the tools of Centering it is easy to do. The more we do it, the stronger we grow, and the more we can see negativity for what it is, a shadow of our real selves, with no intrinsic power of its own, other than that which we give it.

Centering

The practice of Centering is ancient and has many forms and components. All exercise, martial arts and forms of meditation and prayer are ways to achieve centering and balance in the truth of who we are. They are ways of tapping into the fundamental strength and wisdom all individuals are endowed with. In Zen they say, “Open the treasure house within.” This reminds us that we are endowed with gifts which are far greater than we currently realize or employ. When we integrate Centering with psychological practice, we develop an entirely different way of working with the pain, confusion and difficult relationships that most individuals find themselves in. In this article, two Centering practices will be offered. While both are simple, they are very powerful. When either of them is taken on and practiced daily, changes will soon be seen.

Attention

We are what we think about. Morita, a Japanese psychiatrist, the founder of Morita Therapy, states that all neurosis comes from frozen attention that has gotten stuck and fixed upon recurring negative thoughts. In the West we call this obsession. In the world of Zen, this condition is described as being in the grip of one’s ego, pre-occupied by self centered thoughts. The more we give attention to that which is destructive, the more strength it has to rule our lives. This can be counteracted rather easily.

Take back your attention.

Do not let it be absorbed by all that is presented to it. The power of focus is the power of life. Spend time each day developing focus and concentration. This is also called meditation. Withdraw yourself from the chaotic external world for a period of time each day, and pull your attention back within. Sit with a straight back, do not move and concentrate upon your breath. Let random thoughts come and go. Do not suppress them, but do not let them grab your attention away. (At first you may be besieged by many surprising thoughts and feelings, but if you simply notice them and then return your attention to your breathing, these will soon die down).

Count your breath from one to ten, then all over again. Do this for at least ten to fifteen minutes without moving. By not moving we are stopping what is called the monkey mind, the mind which jumps from one thing to the next, fears, demands, grabs and sabotages our lives. It is the monkey mind which causes our sorrow and fear. But it is only a part of us, it cannot take over our lives, when we take our attention back. By doing this daily, we are strengthening new parts of ourselves which can guide and lead us in a new direction, one of meaning, and well being.

When concentration grows, do this practice for a little longer. Soon we will not be able to be without this time in the silence. From the silence comes all kinds of treasures, including healing of our minds and hearts.

This wonderful time spent with oneself is a simple way to attain perspective, become able to see clearly and be planted in the larger truth. We do not become so carried away by momentary problems or feel as vulnerable anymore. This time becomes a fortification against many storms which naturally besiege us. We develop a place within ourelves to which we can always return, for wisdom, strength and comfort. When we allow the external world to consume us, we are simply giving our natural treasures away.

Centering is different than conventional models of treating psychological problems. Here we focus upon the strengths, not the weaknesses. We find the health of the individual and encourage that to grow. Little by little the illness and fear is no longer needed and drops away by itself. This model by-passes the illusions that grip us. It gives them no credence at all. Rather than struggle to analyze and undo our patterns, we work directly with our attention. The question before us always is: What am I focussing on this moment? Am I present to the breathing, or lost somewhere in a dream, dwelling upon the pains and wrongs I think have others have done me, or the terrible things that can happen someday?

Reality continually renews and confronts us with new tasks, challenges, opportunities and solutions, day after day. Are we in touch with this ever flowing reality? Are we asking ourselves what is available now, what gifts we are receiving and what we can give to others, or are we dwelling upon how wronged, threatened or deprived we’ve always been? By taking our attention off our toxic inner dialogue, and focusing upon what is before us, right now, we directly interfere with the habitual patterns that are the primary cause of our suffering.

As we do this faithfully, the second step of Centering appears. At a certain moment we become aware that depression and gratitude, or the willingness to be of service, cannot co-exist in the same person at the same time. When we are totally absorbed with our own safety, security or well being, our natural life force and ability to live fulfilling lives becomes blocked When our focus and life are primarily self absorbed, revolving around self centered dreams, what we are needing and what others are thinking of us, we live in a prison without bars. Any insult, real or imagined, can become the cause of great pain, resulting in withdrawal and retreat into fantasies. Underlying feelings of worthlessness emerge, producing additional depression, hostility and stress.

In Centering we change our focus to all that we are receiving, what others need, what we can give, what has to be done, moment by moment, person by person. And then we do it. We take action. We do not hesitate. When our focus is put upon simple daily actions, and upon doing “deeds of service,” the monkey mind is dismantled and passing emotions do not take center stage.

As we Center we learn to do each action with full attention, (no matter how small or large). We do not dwell upon the outcome. Our joy and satisfaction comes from acting with a whole heart and mind. Results and consequences are secondary, and take care of themselves. When we are not absorbed by concern for outcomes, how much anxiety can we ever have?

The medicine Centering offers is simple and direct. It has no negative side effects and the more one takes it the sweeter it tastes. As we learn to do each task wholeheartedly, we then naturally evolve into doing “deeds of worth”.

The most powerful antidote to psychological suffering is an individual’s sense of self worth. This does not come about through artificially boosting self esteem, but as a result of living a life worthy of respect. Each individual must make a personal alignment between their daily actions and their highest values. In this way, each one learns to build a life that ennobles them, and is of natural service to others as well.

As we become more and more available to the present moment, we become occupied with that which is valuable, and life giving. Not only does our resourcefulness increase, but our responses become fitting and appropriate to whatever it is that is needed. In this manner we can best handle any difficult situation and give what is needed to all. Not only does life feel like a gift we are constantly receiving, but we become a gift to life as well.

SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Discover how to overcome common relationship problems by working with the unique self help program by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna.

www.truthaboutlove.com

Have you noticed that along with the joy and excitement of the New Year’s season, there’s also an underlying feeling of sadness? For many people, January and February are months for reviewing the year that has gone by, measuring how it met their expectations and taking stock of the ways in which they have developed or grown. This can be very
cleansing, but at the same time, they become aware of their disappointments, both in others and in themselves.Whatever has happened, or hasn’t happened for you in the last 12 months, there are three steps you can take now in order to start a new chapter for the new year ahead:

Step 1: Realize that in order for the year to be new, you have to be new.

No matter how much we may want to hold onto old relationships, plans and dreams, life itself is a series of changes. When we resist change, we resist life itself. Though difficult at times, change brings new growth, values, goals and understanding. As we say good-bye to old ways of being (which we’ve outgrown anyway), we can open the door to new experience and fulfillment. Along with the joy of new growth, growing pains can be common. Don’t be afraid of a little sadness or fear. It is natural and to be expected. Welcome it with open arms in the realization that new life is on the way.

Step 2: Look at your past year with fresh eyes

. Most of the time we focus upon the negative aspects of a year gone by. This kind of thinking leads to depression, so use the next 12 months to change this habit. Instead of dwelling on the wrongs of the last year, concentrate on everything that went right. Make a list of the good things that happened to you. Make a list of the ways in which people in your life pleased you, and the ways in which you pleased them as well. Make a list of the things you admire and respect about who you are. The more you admire and respect yourself, the easier it is to embark and succeed at new goals and dreams. By focusing on what went right each day, the year will be truly new.

Step 3: Give thanks.

Each day find five things or people to give thanks for. Write this down. Then, actually call or write to at least one of the people on your list, and offer them thanks for who they are or what they’ve done. This is a wonderful way of freeing yourself from the feelings of deprivation and resentment that most of us walk around with each day. It is also a wonderful way of realizing the enormous support that is available to you. Use this bounty of backup for realizing new dreams and accomplishing goals.

The new year has endless possibilities. You may make resolutions and create many new goals and dreams. However, without a strong, consistent, positive focus, in subtle ways you undermine yourself. So build up this new perspective. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and others all year long.

SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Discover how to overcome common relationship problems by working with the unique self help program by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna.
www.truthaboutlove.com

Ask yourself this question: “Am I able to remain detached when somebody else is angry or argues with me?”If you’re like most people, your answer is probably not only no, but HECK no.

When you’re emotional, what are you listening to? Where is your attention? Is it on the other person? Nope. You’re listening to the beast-brain screaming in your own head phrases like these: “How DARE they say that to ME!” “They’re calling me STUPID!” “She’s ATTACKING me!” “I’ve GOT to defend myself.”

When you’re listening to the beast brain babble, you cannot hope to stay neutral. You are literally giving your body a command to flood with adrenaline — you’re preparing your body to either rip their face off or run away. You can’t hope to think or speak your way out of the situation because all of the neurons are firing off in an ancient beast-like part of the brain — and none of the neurons in the rational, higher brain are able to work.

A frequent question I get is “How do I get that little voice to shut up?” My answer, marginally facetious is: “You don’t.” The best you can hope for is to turn down the volume and just notice that voice there in the background, and not let it determine the outcome. So how do you do that?

Breathe. I mean it. From way down deep in your belly, consciously breathe in and fill your belly–then breathe out slowly through your mouth. A few times. Why? Because the beast-brain adrenaline rush is causing you to breathe rapidly, high up in the chest, and flood your bigger muscles so you can fight or flee. It is depriving your rational brain of oxygen.

You can’t think and feel at the same time! Instead, try this:

Shift your body into a neutral posture. If you’re sitting, uncross everything and put your feet flat on the floor, your arms and hands open and flat on your lap or on whatever is in front of you. If you’re standing, make sure you move yourself so your weight is balanced on both heels. Imagine there are steel rods going from the ground up through your heels, through your hipbones, and straight up your back. Unclench your fists. Uncross your arms. Unclench your jaw. They are all just hanging, relaxed, off the steel of your legs and backbone. Relax your eyes — make them go soft and fuzzy. How? Breathe.

From that neutral place in your body, make note, like a tape recorder would, of what your beast brain is saying. Just notice it. Don’t believe it, just notice. “Oh. I’m telling myself he’s attacking my credibility.”

“Interesting. I think she just called me a liar.” Emulate Spock: “Curious” “Fascinating.”

If you must say something, make it a neutral report about your internal truth: For example

“I’m taken aback, and unable to respond rationally right now. Let me get back to you in five minutes.” O

“I have no idea how to respond to that.” OR

“I’m so shocked at what you are saying, I have to think about how I want to respond.” OR

“Rather than say something I’ll have to take back, I want some time to think about it.”

Notice how neutral and “Spock-like” these responses are. You are not adding anything to the emotional intensity. You are giving both of you a chance to work with a creative part of your brain, toward a different outcome than you would get with the destructive part of your brain.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You will still feel like ripping their face off, or running away. DON’T DO IT. Some of you might be afraid that I’m suggesting you surrendering your right to righteous indignation. I’m not. But if you practice rigorously with this tool, you won’t get your righteous indignation in the way of communicating!

Copyright 1999-2004 The Pedersen Associates Janet R.Pedersen, 1717 NW Bayshore Drive Suite 3738, Miami FL 33132? www.communicate4results.com?? All rights reserved.