“How do I save my marriage when there seems like there’s no more hope?” or “saving my marriage seems impossible, what do I do?”. They are the kind of questions people with marriage problems are saying over and over again.

There’s no doubt that being in a troubled marriage is emotionally draining, especially when you don’t know what to do about the problems. There are so many people saying “to save my marriage. I’ll do anything”. The problem is, some people are in such confusion about where to start they end up not doing anything at all about saving the marriage.

Saving a marriage is never too late if you are determined to do something about it. Here are some tips to help save a marriage.

Swallow your pride and listen

No matter what you do to save a marriage, you will never see results unless you swallow your pride and listen to whatever your spouse says to you about your marriage problems. Once you learn how to listen to your spouse, all the arguments can stop and you will learn how to be more patient with each other. Most marriages are ruined because their pride gets in the way.

Once you learn how to listen and talk to each other about your marriage problems, your marriage can start to recover. Talk about your problems face to face and be as open as you can. The more you express what you feel in a respectful way, the faster your marriage will be able to recover.

Learn to say sorry.

One of the best ways to save your marriage is to learn how to say sorry. Pride is the number one way to ruin a marriage and basically any kind of relationship, and not knowing how to say sorry for what you’ve done can create a lot of problems in the relationship.

No matter who caused the relationship to go downhill, you saying sorry is the perfect way to get that love to start flowing again in the relationship. By saying this word, you show your spouse that you don’t want to fight anymore. It’s only one small word, but is very powerful for showing your love.

Call your spouse if you are separated.

This is the perfect time for you to apologize to your spouse. By talking on the phone, you can explain all the important things you want him or her to know. Let them know how you feel, at the very least it’ll definitely  help you to feel better.

Calling is actually very effective and even a simple voice or text message can do the trick for getting your spouses attention. You can also ask them for their forgiveness on the phone. If a phone call doesn’t seem right to you then a heartfelt letter can be another option.

Ask your spouses friends what they think you should do.

Your spouses friends can greatly help you on finding out what’s going on with your spouse. Try approaching your spouses closest friend, the one you know he or she is going to talk to if ever a problem arises. Ask them if there’s anything you can do to save your marriage. By having a private chat with your spouses closest friend, you can find out a lot of  what your spouse is now thinking and going through. You can also use them to let your spouse know your true feelings about the situation.

Get a marriage counselor

Marriage counselors are helpful to talk to with your spouse because you can talk candidly about the many problems you are currently dealing with and express how the both of you are feeling. Try to convince your spouse to go for marriage counseling. Once your spouse agrees, you are on the way to saving your marriage because you know that he or she is willing to do something positive.

If you can’t convince your spouse, you can maybe try asking your friends for help to convince your spouse about getting marriage counseling. Do whatever you can to get your spouse to go to marriage counselling. Marriage counselling can save a marriage and get your relationship back on track, but you must remember that results aren’t instant.

Is it ever too late to save a marriage?

This is a question that is always being asked. The truth is that it’s never too late to save a marriage. In fact, I’ve seen people who were separated for a while and still reunited despite the conflicts of the past. It won’t be easy but it can be done with the right help.

Just remember that as long as at least one of you is committed and willing to put in the work towards actually saving your marriage, there is every chance you can get the both of you back together again. Saving a marriage is never too late if you are determined to give it a chance.

Marital problems occur in all couples, regardless of how much they love and cherish each other.  For the most part, married couples try to avoid such problems in order to maintain a great relationship but when it comes to preserving a loving relationship, issues need to be addressed head on.

In order to fully understand the nature of marriage problems, couples first need to know how to recognize the causes and signs of a troubled union.

Causes of Marital Problems

Infidelity

While there are some couples who remain faithful and loyal to each other, there are those who take a bit of stumble and resort to having an affair.  Infidelity is one of the most common problems that can cause a marriage to collapse, regardless of which spouse committed the offense.  If a husband or wife becomes unfaithful, the other person tends to resent his/her spouse and perhaps even exact punishment in a number of different ways.

Lack of Sexual Contact

A great number of married couples go on years without having any sort of sexual connection and this can be a source of tension in the relationship.  Sex is a vital part of married life so the lack of which can very well create a gap between spouses and in some cases, even cause one or both spouses to cheat.  The absence of sex in a marriage is almost always construed as a rut but it should never be brushed off so easily as it can most definitely cause a rift between two people, even if they remain loyal to each other.

Financial Difficulties

Marriage is all about taking on responsibilities and taking care of each other’s needs.  If one or both spouses lose their job or in any way become unable to contribute financially, it can become an issue especially if they have been accustomed to a certain lifestyle.  Financial trouble does get in the way of a loving relationship, and, in many cases, even cause a divorce.

Warning Signs of Marital Problems

Distant or Cold Treatment of Each Other

Couples who are having a tough time do not always necessarily have loud arguments and screaming matches.  In fact, in most cases, couples prefer to give each other the cold shoulder rather than express their anger or discontent.  Such treatment can be extremely painful to both parties, not to mention detrimental to the relationship.  Not being able to communicate is a very serious sign of a troubled marriage and it should be rectified as soon as possible.

Outward Resentment

For those who prefer not to contain their anger or displeasure would usually make snide or passive aggressive remarks toward the other person.  This behaviour usually leads to more problems such as constant verbal abuse, which may damage the marriage even further.  Physical violence may also be involved if and when the resentment escalates to a breaking point.

Awkward Silence at Home

When couples no longer seem to have anything to talk about, it is a sign of clear and present danger in the relationship.  A healthy marriage is one that involves conversations and exchanges between spouses, regardless of how mundane or boring the subject may be.  In severe cases, one or both spouses will go at great lengths to avoid having a conversation.

Solutions to marital problems

Seeking marriage help is the only right thing to do for those whose relationship is going down an ugly road.  While there are a number of ways on how to rectify a broken or troubled marriage, seeking professional help is by far the best choice.  Counselling is the best type of aid that couples can hope for as it will provide them with a safe venue where they can voice their concerns and complaints.

Therapy for married couples is highly recommended because it allows both parties to air their side while an unbiased professional listens and gives advice.  For many couples, this is something that feels a bit strange and intrusive especially those who do not believe in the merits of talk therapy.  However, marriage counselling has been proven to be effective not just in solving marital problems but also in guiding couples toward a new found happiness.

Deciding to seek help for your marital problems might take a while because therapy and counselling only works if both parties willingly participate.  It is always best to allow both spouses to realize how much their marriage means to each of them and whether or not they are willing to do whatever it takes to fix the marriage before it becomes broken beyond repair.

Marriage and Family Therapists are specialists that diagnose and counsel couples, families and individual persons so that they may function satisfactorily and be more productive in their relationships.  The sessions may also focus on child counseling, divorce and or separation, premarital counseling and just about any other type of counseling that may be needed.

Marriage and Family Therapists are also sometimes called psychotherapists or healing arts professionals and they are licensed by the State from which they practice.  Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) focus on early intercession for fast problem resolution and symptom reduction and of course they are somewhat experts where more comprehensive,  abiding treatment is necessary to cure mental and or emotional conditions.  Your specific treatment plan depends on your situation but can be short term or long term.

You may require only a few short sessions to help weather the storm or several months or more, especially if your relationship has suffered greatly.  You many chose couple or group session or individual sessions to work with the therapist but generally you see a therapist once a week.  There are many contributors to the distress of relationships, infidelity, anger, illness and even communication issues can all play a very large role.

How Can A Marriage and Family Therapist Help?

Seeing a marriage therapist will help you rebuild your connection or help you make the decision of going your separate ways.  Keep in mind that therapists are not there to take sides or offer solutions to your own ideas.  Instead they focus on resolutions for their clients.

Marriage and Family Therapists help to rebuild the relationship, helping to strengthen the relationship by teaching patients how to communicate and act within that relationship. Dismay becomes calm,  definitive roles realized, the pathway of communication opens which makes it all so much easier to alleviate issues.  The final effect is that everyone realizes their position in the relationship and what is expected from everyone involved.

The lasting benefits of family therapy comprise of more settled children who are less than likely to duplicate the same behaviour as their mother and or father, consequently breaking a generational circle.

Finding a Marriage and Family Therapist

Finding a Marriage and Family Therapist can be confusing.  The first recourse to be taken is good old research.  Use the internet as your unlimited resource guide of information.  You may be able to find a good professional in your area by simply typing your zip code in the search locator.

Of course you need to first go to Google.com and type in a relevant keyword in the search query box.  You may simply type ‘Marriage and Family Therapy in my area’ as the keywords and this will bring up search results based on your keywords.  In the second search result, you should see TherapistLocator.net. You will be able to search by city, state, zip code, country and even by a therapists last name if you know of any.

If you are uncomfortable with online search, there are other competent ways of locating a qualified therapist.  Ask for a referral from friends and or family.  There just may be someone in your circle who’s going through or may have gone through a similar situation and may be able to not only refer you to a good therapist but also a good support group.  You  may also  opt to ask a co-worker or maybe even your boss for a reference.

Your Pastor Can Help Too

Surprisingly, more people than you can think of may be able to relate to what you are going through and can offer advice as well as a reference to a good therapist.  Go to your pastor for help also, if you are a member a good church family, support is closer than you may think.  Pastors are somewhat counsellors themselves that possess information and contacts through the significance of their purpose.  Check to see if there are support groups at your church or in your community.

Other Ways of Finding A  Qualified Therapist

Checking with the community clinics and or hospitals in your area will almost ensure a highly qualified therapist.  With that being said, you need to be sure that the therapist you secure will be highly trained and capable of seeing your significant qualities to locate a solution for your problem.  One that will identify your challenges and offer helpful and insightful methods to help cope, understand and resolve the issues you are facing.

Sexless marriages are one of the most painful causes of divorce. A lack of sexual intimacy in a marriage is a common reason for a marriage to fail and finding a solution isn’t easy.

Sexless marriages caused by physical problems are often curable with medication, but a lack of sex caused by relationship problems is a sign of a failing marriage and may need the help of a marriage counselor or a therapist.

It is often women who get the blame for a sexless marriage and get called ‘frigid’, but what about men who stop having sex with their wives and why? When a wife starts asking her husband why he doesn’t seem to want sex with her any more he will often come out with excuses like, “I’m too tired tonight,” “I’m too stressed to do it,” “It’s too late ” and other feeble excuses.

Men do have problems revealing their inner feelings so they usually prefer to hide the truth about why they don’t have sex with their wife any more. They also know that telling their wife the real reasons will bring everything else that is wrong with their marriage to the surface.

Reasons why a husband stops having sex with his wife.

He no longer finds his wife physically attractive

He doesn’t feel attracted to his wife because she has let herself go physically – usually by putting on lots of weight. Not just a little weight, which most men don’t mind because they generally like women who are curvy, but excessive weight of 70lbs or more.

For most men this can be quite off-putting, and a woman who allows herself to become extremely overweight can’t complain if her husband loses his passion for her in bed. He may still love her as a person but a man’s attitude towards physical love is a lot different. It may seem a shallow reason but if he has never been attracted to overweight women then he probably can’t help his feelings.

Click Here To Find Out How To Get Him In The Mood

His lack of desire for his overweight wife will make it difficult to perform, the lovemaking will become unsatisfying for both of them, and eventually the marriage will become sexless.He will often keep his thoughts about her weight gain to himself to prevent upsetting her as most women are very self-conscious about their weight and will take great offence at any suggestion that they are getting too fat.

Of course, many men get seriously overweight too and their wives may not fancy sex with them so they only do so to keep a fragile peace. They won’t engage in love-making with much gusto though.

The husband is angry with his wife.

Think about it, do you like to make love with someone with whom you are angry? Some men are so angry and frustrated with their wife for one reason or another that avoiding sex with their wife becomes a weapon to be used against them.

He is angry because his wife treats him like dirt.

He might stop having sex with his wife because she is too controlling and critical of him. Constant criticism and nagging from his wife will erode at the husband’s self-esteem. He will feel deep resentment because of her insensitive behaviour and this will cause him to avoid sex with his wife in reprisal.

Continuous abuse and lack of respect from his wife might simply cause him to keep all his resentment bottled up inside, which can eventually cause depression.Taking antidepressants for his depression could have side effects such as loss of libido or dull his emotions and consequently his desire for sex with her.

He is angry because his wife is lazy and selfish.

Some men get angry with their wives because they are lazy and spoilt and do not contribute meaningfully to the marriage. These types of women are only interested in their own needs and give very little back emotionally so the husband will eventually do the same.

He is angry because his wife lies to him.

A married man may also stop having sex with his wife because she is deceitful and untruthful to him. She may lie about money and debts and create financial hardship with her feckless money management. Arguments about money problems are one of the main reasons for marriages ending.

Good marriages thrive on openness and honesty and when either a wife or husband constantly lies to their spouse about anything, it eats away at the foundation of the marriage. After all, if you can’t trust the person who is supposed to be your life partner then how can you respect and love them?

Time to get help for your sexless marriage

Any one of the non-medical reasons given can cause a husband to avoid sexual intimacy with his wife, and a sexless marriage due to relationship issues is usually a symptom of even bigger problems in your marriage. To tackle the problems in your marriage you really need to talk to a marriage counselor or therapist to find out the underlying reasons for why your marriage is now sexless.

How To Get Him In The Mood

Ladies, if you feel the passion has gone out of your marriage and you need advice on how to make your husband fall in love with you again then you might be interested this book called: Get Him In The Mood.

Written by a woman as a guide for all women who want to fix a sexless marriage. This could help many women  in sexless marriages.

Has your marriage lost its sparkle? Perhaps, you are in a marriage that’s in crisis and you are probably thinking why things are going wrong with your marriage.

Do you wish you could have a better marriage? Do you wish your marriage were stronger, more supportive, and more loving? Do you wish you could put an end to the arguments, fighting, and negativity? Do you want to learn how to love one another again?

It’s not a nice situation to be in, and it’s a long way from the carefree and happy days that you had at the beginning of your marriage.

You may be feeling unloved and unwelcome in your partner’s life. You probably think you’re the only one that wants to save your marriage, while at the same time wondering if it’s even possible.

Does this describe your marriage?

• There is a growing feeling of unfulfillment in the marriage.
• You don’t talk or laugh as often as you used to.
• You seek out friendship and companionship in outsiders instead of your spouse.

All of these things can point to a marriage in crisis, and it’s not a nice feeling. But with the right level of commitment, and the right advice, it is possible for your marriage to recover.

Things can change…

Often I hear people say they miss the way their marriage used to be. In their mind, they think constantly about a time in the past that they believe represents how happy they were. They want to get back to that how they felt at that time, but they don’t know where to start.

But change is possible, if you want it bad enough, you can restore your unsettled and currently unhappy marriage.

If your marriage or long-term relationship is in trouble, Relationship Recovery has the answers to help you rebuild your love for one another and your commitment to your marriage.

Author Rachel Rider has created a powerful marriage-saving resource for couples and individuals who want to really understand what it takes to overcome marital issues and forge a stronger relationship.

As part of her research into creating Relationship Recovery, she has also created two special reports, which she is sharing with her subscribers for free and has kindly agreed to share with you as well.

You can fix your relationship…

No matter how bad your relationship is, no matter how long you have been together, no matter how hopeless it seems, you can take concrete steps towards repairing your relationship, no matter if your partner wants to work with you on it or not!

Relationship Recovery is more than just marriage or relationship advice. This is life skills and a new way to live your life.

In a few moments you could be implementing proven relationship techniques to your broken relationship, and be on the way to restoring it to a stronger and more committed partnership, stronger than ever before.

You can make a start right now:

Relationship Recovery Website

Stop your marriage breakup now with Meet Your Sweet’s proven life-changing Relationship Recovery, and discover a new way to save your relationship.

Unhappy marriage should you stay or leave? There’s no one simple answer to the question that I’m often asked, “Should I stay in my marriage, even though I’m unhappy, or should I leave?” It’s impossible to give a “one size fits all” response because every marriage is different.

But there are some general marriage guidelines that you can consider if you’re in this situation. Use these thirteen tips to reflect on your marriage, your energy level, your commitment, and the degree of your dissatisfaction.

1. Don’t give up prematurely. You have invested time, energy, money, hopes and dreams in your marriage. The only way many people can initiate divorce without feeling unduly guilty is to know that they have tried everything they possibly could to make the marriage better. It just makes good sense to focus on how you can improve the relationship you’re in now.

2. Consider your children and how a divorce could impact them. Divorce is never easy. Preschool children and kids who are still in school will be affected in ways grown children are not, such as possible changes in schools if a parent moves, a parent possibly having to work two jobs to make it financially, the loss of daily contact with both parents, etc.

3. If your spouse has an addiction or is abusive, utilize all resources and support groups that offer help. For example, If your spouse is an alcoholic, join Al-Anon, which provides support for family members, and get your teenage children involved in Alateen so they can get the support they need to deal with the home situation. Of course, a top priority is keeping your children safe, so do not keep them in any situation that is dangerous for them.

4. Focus on how you can change yourself to be a better partner instead of how you want to “fix” your spouse. When you work on improving yourself and changing non-productive habits and approaches, then your spouse will have to relate to you differently. You may have gotten in a habitual mode of pushing each other’s buttons in the same way and always eliciting the same response. But if you change your normal response, then the interaction between the two of you will change.

5. Have on-going support from a counselor who knows your issues and what you are going through. This will give you the help and encouragement you need to keep trying new things and experimenting with new approaches.

6. Encourage your spouse to consider marriage counseling. If finances are a problem, call your local Chamber of Commerce or the mayor’s office and ask which agencies in your community offer sliding scale fees based on income. Also, some churches offer counseling services, and some ministers provide counseling. Don’t automatically assume that you can’t afford counseling.

7. Examine whether or not you are depending too much on your spouse to meet your needs or “make you happy.” No one else can make you happy; it’s an inside job. And no one person can meet all the needs of another. That’s why you need friends, hobbies, and outside activities. Expand your world and see if this takes some of the pressure off of your marriage.

8. Keep a gratitude journal each day, listing all of the things you are thankful for in your life. Each day, try to find five or six new things to list that you haven’t written down before. During the day, notice what happens that’s a blessing: the friendly sales clerk who efficiently handles your refund with a smile, the parking space that suddenly opens up just when you need it, or an unexpected compliment from a co-worker.

9. Make a list of your spouse’s positive qualities and contributions to your marriage, including things he or she has done that you appreciate. Read over this list every morning and every evening, anchoring these good points in your mind. At some point, share your list with your spouse.

10. Make a consistent effort to be positive and encouraging. Sandwich any criticism or request for a change in behavior between two compliments. For example, “You’re always so responsible about mowing the yard each weekend. Could you also sweep the grass clippings off the sidewalk? Thanks for all you do to help keep the yard looking so good.”

11. Work on keeping your heart open in love to your spouse. It’s easy to close down emotionally when you’re angry or hurt. Visualize beams of love or golden light radiating out from your heart to your spouse’s heart. You can dislike the behavior but still love the person. When you send the energy of judgment and criticism to another, the response will be very different than when you send the energy of unconditional love.

12. Try writing your thoughts, feelings, and requests in a letter to your spouse. There are many spouses who have responded positively to a letter who have been notorious for tuning out the spouse’s verbal pleas for years. It’s a different medium of communication, and it often commands more attention.

13. When you have given your marriage your best efforts for at least a year and nothing has changed, then ask yourself the famous Ann Landers question, “Are you better off with him (or her) or without him?” Life is too short to stay stuck in a miserable marriage for years if you are the only one who wants your relationship to be different. Even at this point, though, sometimes the shock of having a spouse initiate a legal separation makes the other partner finally realize the seriousness of the situation and agree to work on the marriage.

Keep Your Marriage

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-creator of “Keep Your Marriage” which is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, as well as a free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine . Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to individuals and couples who want to overcome relationship problems and create a rewarding, loving partnership.

More Resources

Review of Should You Stay or Should You Go?

If your marriage is in trouble there could be one big reason why and this article by Nancy Wasson will explain it to you.

Did you know that a trained observer could watch you and your spouse interact for several minutes and then predict with high accuracy whether your marriage is in trouble or not? Does that sound unbelievable?

In his bestselling book Blink, author Malcolm Gladwell writes about psychologist John Gottman’s research on what attitudes increase the chances that a marriage will end in divorce. Since the 1980’s, Gottman has videotaped more than three thousand married couples in his “love lab” near the University of Washington campus.

The results of each videotape have been analyzed according to a specific complex coding system that categorizes the emotions present in the interaction plus information from electrodes and sensors. Based on his calculations, if he analyzes an hour of a husband and wife talking, Gottman can predict with 95% accuracy whether the couple will still be married fifteen years later.

If Gottman watches a couple for fifteen minutes, he still has a success rate of 90 percent. A colleague of Gottman’s, Sybil Carrere, discovered that if they looked at only three minutes of a couple talking, it was still possible to predict with fairly impressive accuracy which marriages were going to make it and which would end in divorce.

4 Clues that a marriage is in trouble

Gottman finds out much of what he needs to know by focusing on what he calls the “Four Horsemen: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt.” Out of those four negatives, Gottman considers contempt the most important emotion of all.

Gladwell writes, “If Gottman observes one of both partners in a marriage showing contempt toward the other, he considers it the most important sign that a marriage is in trouble.” According to Gladwell, Gottman can eavesdrop on a couple in a restaurant and “get a pretty good sense of whether they need to start thinking about hiring lawyers and dividing up custody of the children.”

Why is contempt so damaging in a marriage? How can this one emotion cause so much damage? Contempt is different from criticism because it involves looking down on the other person and feeling superior to him (or her).

If you have contempt for your spouse, you are feeling scorn or disdain toward him. You feel disgust, sickening dislike, deep aversion, repugnance, and repulsion. You feel that he (or she) is beneath you and that he doesn’t deserve respect.

Gottman even found that the presence of contempt in a marriage can predict how many colds a spouse will get because “having someone you love express contempt toward you is so stressful that it begins to affect the functioning of your immune system.” And there isn’t any gender difference when it comes to contempt, according to Gottman’s research findings.

In light of this information, how do you think your interactions with your spouse would be viewed? Are you thinking that you’re off the hook because you haven’t said things like “You’re so stupid” to your partner?

A classic sign that a marriage is in trouble

Gottman has found that rolling your eyes when your spouse is talking to you is a classic sign that communicates contempt. So is assuming a patronizing, lecturing voice. The actual words used are only part of what is being communicated. The non-verbal component is also communicating loudly.

One of Gottman’s findings is that “for a marriage to survive, the ratio of positive to negative emotion in a given encounter has to be at least five to one.” When he tracks the level of a couple’s positive and negative emotions, he has found that “once they start going down, toward negative emotion, ninety-four percent will continue going down.”

So what can you do if you recognize yourself or your spouse in this article? If you recognize yourself, know that self-awareness of a behavior is the starting place for change. You can’t change what you’re not aware of. So you have taken the first positive step by looking closely at your own behavior and starting to become more aware of the damaging effect it is having on your marital relationship.

Marriage counseling if your marriage is in trouble

Next, you can share this article with your spouse and ask if he or she would be willing to go to marriage counseling so that you can get the help and support you need to make the necessary changes. If your spouse refuses, then start individual counseling for yourself.

If your spouse is the one expressing contempt for you, write a handwritten letter stating how much you value your marriage and want it to be the best possible. Ask him (or her) to please read this article because you don’t want to lose your loving feelings for him or for your marriage to end in divorce.

State that you would like to look at your part in things and how you might need to change and grow, and that you know this would be easier with the help of a marriage counselor. Take responsibility for your part in the relationship and show your willingness to look at your own behavior.

Keep the focus on making positive changes that will help your marriage be more satisfying to both of you. Avoid blame and accusations. It will be easier to address sensitive issues in the counselor’s office where you increase the odds that your spouse will be more receptive to what you have to say.

If contempt is present in your marriage, it’s important to take immediate action to stop the accelerating downhill slide of negative emotions. Without intervention, your marriage  may be on a crash course to divorce, and there’s no time to waste.

If your marriage is in trouble then you can find help at Nancy’s website  http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com. Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to individuals and couples who want to overcome relationship problems and create a rewarding, loving partnership.

Healthy marriages require time, attention, energy, and vigilance. It’s not realistic to think that you can have a super marriage without effort on your part. And the truth is, to stop divorce from wrecking a home, a smart spouse must be aware of the danger signals.

It pays to be observant, to ask questions when you don’t understand something, and to notice changes in behavior, tone of voice, and attitude. Communication experts have found that only seven percent of our communication is verbal, while the other ninety-three percent depends on body language and tone of voice.

Thus, if you think your marriage is in trouble it only makes good sense to pay attention to much more than just the actual words a spouse says.

There are ten signs that a marriage is in trouble and knowing what they are  can help you to head off trouble in your marriage before problems become more serious.

Pay attention when:

1. Your spouse acts upset but says nothing’s wrong when you ask, yet you’re sure there’s more to it.

Trust your intuition about this. Females in particular are prone to say Nothing when asked What’s wrong? This often indicates that there is something they need to say, but they don’t feel comfortable saying it.

Work on creating a safe environment for the sharing of mutual concerns.

2. You ask your spouse about something and get a listless, barely audible Okay, that’s fine, but the tone doesn’t sound sincere.

This response is similar to number one. What’s usually obvious from the tone of voice and other non-verbal communication is that most assuredly something is wrong. Everything is not fine. And if that something doesn’t come out into the open where it can be resolved, it will pop up later and cause difficulties.

3. Your spouse is unusually anxious or agitated when you walk in unexpectedly while he or she is on the computer.

It may just be a coincidence, but it could also be that your partner is involved in doing something that he or she doesn’t want you to see. To know if it’s nothing or if something is brewing will take observation over a period of time.

Becoming involved with someone online isn’t harmless, as some spouses will claim. It robs a marriage of commitment and focused energy, plus it can lead to an affair in real time.

4. You observe that your spouse is being secretive about cell phone calls or text messages.

Sometimes spouses will find a partner hiding in the closet or locked in the bathroom talking on the cell phone. This is certainly something to pay attention to, but don’t jump to conclusions. Just observe for awhile.

Sometime there’s a rational explanation such as a spouse who is making secret calls to set up a surprise birthday party for the partner.

But if that’s not the case, the secret calls could be a signal that your marriage is in danger.

5. Your spouse has a significant change in moods, enjoyment of life, socialization patterns, or grooming/appearance.

A spouse can become depressed and sometimes the partner doesn’t put the clues together to realize what’s happening.

The spouse who is feeling depressed may experience changes in sleep patterns, eating, appearance, and hygiene. There may also be uncharacteristic isolation from friends and family, as well as crying spells or loss of interest in things that used to bring pleasure.

If this happens, it’s time to consult with your spouse’s physician.

6. You realize that your spouse is developing a pattern of trying to avoid going to bed at the same time you do and sleeping in the same bed with you.

Numerous wives have shared in counseling that they deliberately stay up later than their husbands to avoid sex. Or they say that a child won’t go to sleep unless they lie down with them.

Often, then, the parent ends up going to sleep in the child’s room, giving the excuse that they didn’t want to wake the partner or that they fell asleep without meaning to. The warning sign comes when this turns into a nightly pattern, not an occasional occurrence.

7. You realize that you don’t know who your spouse really is any more.

This is certainly a wake-up call that it’s time to make your marriage a top priority. You’ll want to spend extra time together talking and sharing from the heart. One common lament marriage counselors hear is, He (or she) doesn’t really know me.

I’m just a paycheck to her (or just someone who keeps the house clean and takes care of the kids). Take the time to find out what your spouse is really thinking and feeling.

8. Your relationship feels stale and dull. If this stage continues, both you and your spouse could be more susceptible to the lure of an affair.

Deliberately schedule plans to do new things and go new places, and of course, look at how you could spice up your sex life with your partner. Do you need to trade off babysitting time with a friend so you can leave the kids and take a weekend trip with your spouse?

Or let the friend keep the kids while you and your partner stay home alone?

9. You find yourself co-existing in the same house with your spouse but never really connecting.

When this happens, it’s time to schedule a time each day to sit, talk, share feelings, hold hands, hug, and reconnect. You can’t afford to lose your feeling of closeness and bonding with your partner. Cut back on extra activities and immediately make your marriage your priority. Without emotional intimacy, your marriage will lose its momentum and passion.

10. You realize your sense of fun and joy has been replaced by resignation and complacency.

It’s time to shake things up. Have you gotten in a rut? Turn things upside down and put some variety in your marriage. Maybe it’s time for those dance lessons your wife has been begging you to take with her.

Or maybe it’s time to go on that camping trip your husband has been talking about for months. Whatever you do, don’t just sit there plan something fun.

If your marriage is in trouble…

There are even more  signs that a marriage is in trouble and you can find out what to do about them at Dr.Nancy Wasson’s website.

http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com

About The Author

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-creator of “Keep Your Marriage” which is available at  as well as a free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine . Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to individuals and couples who want to overcome relationship problems and create a rewarding, loving partnership.

Yes, it has become acceptable in this modern society to look at marriage as an investment. Marriage is now viewed as either an asset or a liability. People who are more conscious of their financial well-being are asking all the possible risks before they marry.

And to others, love still prevails; they put all financial questions aside as they dive into marriage with full hope and trust that everything will work out fine. How about you? What is your view on marriage? Does it really matter if it’s a financial help or trap?

In the olden days, marriage is as easy as asking whether or not you love the person enough to be linked to him or her, until death do you part. With today’s living complexities, however, it has evolved to another level of union – that is, for love and money. There are so many things to tackle when discussing marriage and finances. It involves different areas in people’s lives, such as their values, beliefs, goals, and other things, like sensitive subjects that weren’t normally discussed before.

So how is it really? Are you viewing your marriage as a financial liability? Ask yourself these questions.

Is it true love?

You may think that it’s silly to ask, but, it isn’t. Sometimes security and comfort is being confused by people with love. When your spouse can provide the material things to make your life comfortable, you associate this with generosity, kindness, and happiness. Sometimes it is all that, but other times, it isn’t.

Love goes beyond the material gains, meaning even if your spouse is poor, you will bear with him or her and see it through together. If you cannot be with your spouse because he or she has failed to provide, or has become a financial burden, then it is your mind that is working, not your heart.

Which do you think is more important, money or love?

Ok, it sounds like another silly question, but think about it. Money and love go hand in hand in almost all aspects of daily living. They are both important in every person’s life, maybe at different levels, but equally important. Whether we like it or not, Money makes the world go round, just as much as love does.

You cannot continue loving without money to feed you, keep you living like you do. A long time ago, it may have been easy to live without money, but in today’s age, this is nearly impossible. If you were given a choice, which would you choose? Which would you prioritize?

What do you think your life would be like after marriage?

Or if you’re married, is your marriage anything like you’ve imagined before? Marriage means that you’ve allowed almost everything in your life to be shared with one person. This include problems, decisions, joy, sorrow, and any amount of freedom you enjoy.

But people, by nature or by upbringing, are fairly different in some thins, and this include spending habits. If both parties do not agree, an argument usually ensues. As a result, it can cause immense strain.

If you are a single person, you may either feel terrified to get married, or excited to be. One thing’s for sure though, that you’ve thought of how your financial life would be like, when or if, you are married. You may be hesitant because you know that many marriages ended up in divorce when their financial responsibilities were already too much to bear.And you may be excited about it because being married may be connected with lower cost of living, and financial strength.

Have you weighed the advantages and disadvantages of being married?

Sometimes the thought of marriage can overwhelm a person when they know the financial liabilities that would come with it.

What are the disadvantages?

First will be the cost of the wedding. Some couple brings debt into their marriage because of holding an extravagant wedding that they can’t actually afford. After a few years, they will have to worry about the cost of raising children. The expenses for an infant are so expensive that some couples opt to have only one child.

If they think raising kids are expensive, wait until they grow up and go to college. And then, Married couples usually have higher taxes because your incomes are seen as once income, and a higher income tax bracket is set upon you.

What are the advantages?

There is strength in numbers; two heads working for a single goal are better than one. Being married entitles you to having a supporter no matter what financial situation you are in- this is if your spouse is truly concerned about your well-being.

Spouses also don’t pay estate tax, and gifts between spouses aren’t subject to gift tax. You’ll have the ability to share deductions for kids, mortgage payments, and other aspects of a married life, such as sharing a home and utilities.

Krisca C. Te is part of the team that manages http://www.australiancreditcards.com.au, a blog that provides personal finance blog based in Sydney, Australia. Before she joined ACC, she was an Associate in Deutsche Bank Group under Market and Instruments Control Service

Should you leave your marriage? It can be a difficult question to answer. Leaving a marriage is not a decision to be taken lightly and a unhappy marriage can be saved.

But, if you are at the point where you feel your marriage problems have become so bad that you are facing the possibility of divorce, just keep in mind that the emotional consequences can be far-reaching and painful when it actually happens.

Have You Really Tried To Save Your Marriage?

Can you honestly say that you have tried everything to save your marriage and yet your marriage is still breaking down? After all divorce is a pretty drastic solution to your marriage problems and can be very painful too. Divorce can be complicated and messy and can be the cause a lot of stress for the couple involved and also any children.

Should You Leave?

• Have you any idea what you will do with your life if your marriage comes to an end?
• Think about it, who will you be after the divorce?
• Do you have any idea where you will live?

And one of the most important things you might have to face is what will happen to your family and your children?

These are the kind of questions which someone who is thinking about getting a divorce will be faced with, and the honest truth is that there are no easy answers in this situation.

Not All Marriages Work Out

The fact is, despite all your good intentions and hard work, not all marriages will work out. A good marriage can be such a wonderful thing when it works well and awful when it doesn’t.

It’s a fact that not every marriage ends up with a couple living together happily ever after. It’s just the way it is, unfortunately. You only have to look at at today’s divorce rate which is around 50%. From this it is quite obvious that not every unhappy marriage can be saved.

In a lot of marriage breakdowns the pain that is gone through is just too much to overcome, or one or both spouses may be psychologically damaged from trying to make their marriage work. There are some things that don’t heal no matter how hard you try  and how many years pass.

So, there’s no point in fooling ourselves that every marriage works. Even the best of marriages can come to an end when things go wrong.

Should You Leave or Not?

So, if it’s got to the point where you are seriously thinking about divorce, what you have to understand is that only you will know whether or not it’s time to call it a day and end your marriage.

Usually when people are thinking about whether or not they should get a divorce, they tend to start asking people close to them, such as family, friends, priests and anyone else they think will might be able to offer them good advice.

The fact is, when all is said and done, nobody but you can decide whether it’s time to leave your marriage. It doesn’t matter how good their intentions are, or how much they know about your situation, they can’t tell you what is the best thing to do in this situation.

The bottom line is that only you can decide whether you should leave the marriage or not. You can take advice from other people, but only you can make the final decision.

So if you are wondering whether there’s a possibility you can still make your marriage work or if it would be better to leave, it’s important to think seriously about whether you’ll be able to face the challenges that divorce brings.

Making The Decision To Leave A Marriage

And that is where relationship coaches Otto and Susie Collins can help you make the decision to leave or not. They have become experts in helping people through this difficult decision and have coached hundreds of people face to face.

They will not try to tell you what to do, but they have created a system that will guide you to make the right decision for you.

Should You Stay or Should You Go isn’t just a book that you read. It’s an action book filled with questions and stories to help you relate and powerful insights that will help you make the decision on whether to stay in your marriage or relationship or quit.

All you have to do is work through it and use it to help you make one of the most important decisions of your life.

By the way, Should You Stay or Should You Go is especially good for those who have been hurt by an affair because something like this usually causes everyone around you to tell you to leave.

Anyone who has been hurt by an affair will know it is one of the most difficult relationship problems to deal with. And if you’re thinking about leaving because of an affair, then Otto and Susie can help you make the right decision.

The question “Should you leave?” is certainly a big decision and I hope you make the right one for you.

You can read a review of Stay or Go here.