After a marriage crisis such as an affair, the guilty partner often promises to change but the problem is can you really trust them? Have they really changed or are they just pretending to have changed? It is not easy to restore the trust in a marriage after an affair so how can you tell if they have changed?

This article written by Dr. Robert Huizenga – an expert on how to cope with affairs – will show you the clues to look for so you can help you find out if they really have.

16 Clues to Know if Your Spouse Has Really Changed

by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach

Every relationship hits a snag, or worse, a major crisis (such as infidelity), that demands significant change if the relationship is to survive.

So…there are promises to change and the two of you embark upon a new path. You watch carefully.

“Can I trust this change? Is it permanent? temporary? How long will it last? Is he/she REALLY changing?”

Good questions. Here are 16 ways to know if the change is going to last:

1. You notice opposite behaviors and nonverbal communication. Passivity becomes activity. Recklessness transforms into thoughtfulness. Aloofness turns into engagement.

2. You find yourself surprised. “Hmmmm, this hasn’t happened before, but is really nice! I wonder where this came from? But, I will take it!”

3. He/she expresses more curiosity about you, about him/her self and others. He/she observes more closely what happens in relationships, without criticism or defensiveness.

4. You feel that somehow there has been a shifting of gears. There is a different rhythm or flow in the relationship. Much less effort. Much less tension.

5. You find yourself noticing how differently he/she talks. The words seem different. The emotional tone of the words seem different.

6. The negative times, where you felt very stuck, helpless and hopeless, are less intense, happen less often and you seem to have more effective ways to move out of those times more quickly.

7. Your gut (intuition) tells you that this is ok. You begin to trust that part of you more implicitly. A part of you is clapping and cheering inside!

8. He/she seems to have more direction and purpose. Less drifting. He/she seems to be driven more by internal desires and wishes rather than reacting to people or external circumstances. He/she takes up interesting hobbies or finds more enthusiasm for career.

9. The changes seem to be more consistent and carry over for a longer period of time. More stability. Fewer swings. You seem more consistently on the right path.

10. More concern is expressed for family, children and close friends.

11. Words such as: “I promise. I’ll try. Or, I’m going to…” are NOT in his/her vocabulary.

12. Moments of effusive crying, tear letting and chest beating are gone. Apologies are past and there is a sense of working right here right now to create what we want down the line.

13. You hear no blaming of others. He/she does NOT make others responsible for his/her actions. You sense that he/she is intent upon responsibly creating his/her world.

14. There is good eye contact.

15. He/she is taking great steps toward self care both physically, emotionally and spiritually. He/she can state what he/she needs and negotiate with you to get those needs met. At the same time, your personal needs are considered.

16. You worry much less about what will happen next.

Click Here To Visit the Dr. Robert Huizenga Website

Dr. Robert Huizenga

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Some studies show that 80% of marriages at some point have at least one spouse involved in some type of affair.

If this has happened to you then, after reading his book, “Break Free From the Affair,” you will be able to make better decisions and develop effective strategies to cope with an affair. Anyone faced with problems caused by an affair, or anyone who wants to avoid one should get this book.

Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

Not all affairs are the same. In fact, there are a number of different kinds of affairs and each one has it’s own particular characteristics. In this article by Dr. Robert Huizenga he describes the revenge affair and the characteristics of the adulterer.

The Revenge Affair by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach

“I Want to Get Back at Him/Her” is one of 6 kinds of affairs I outline in my E-book.

This is the “revenge affair.” It occurs in a marriage in which one feels slighted in some manner and seeks revenge by engaging in an affair.

It is less a movement toward the other person and more a movement away from one’s spouse. The offending spouse usually lacks the skills of personal confrontation or is frightened by the prospect of someone “getting upset.”

When evaluating this kind of affair, make a distinction between revenge and rage. Revenge is not rage. Rage comes from a different source, as outlined in one of the other kinds of affairs.

Here are some characteristics of the person who uses infidelity as revenge:

1. Usually is rather unpredictable and erratic in his/her behavior.

2. Has a hard time making decisions.

3. Is often impatient and irritable when things don’t go their way.

4. Some of the resentment seems to “seep out” along the edges, maybe when you least expect it.

5. Engages in teasing.

6. Can be stubborn and unyielding.

7. May often take oppositional view and pride himself on being contrary or taking an unpopular stance.

8. Can have moments of impulsive behavior and be labeled high-strung or tightly wired.

9. Has an underlying worldview that is pessimistic. Glass is half empty.

10. Has a tendency to whine or complain.

11. May have moments of sullenness and dejection.

12. Women may respond very intensely during their menstrual cycle. Men may appear very moody at certain times of the month.

13. Manipulates others with unpredictability and demandingness.

14. Family of origin often marked by factions and sibling rivalry.

15. Has difficulty with intimacy since his or her behavior patterns push people away.

If you are interested in learning about the 6 other forms of infidelity I outline in my book, “Break Free From the Affair,” visit my website by clicking the link here.

Dr. Robert Huizenga

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity.

After reading his book, “Break Free From the Affair,” you will be able to make better decisions and develop effective strategies to overcome an affair.

Click Here To Visit the Dr. Robert Huizenga Website

What is an emotional affair? In essence, an “emotional affair” is still undoubtedly an affair, without the physical intimacy but features emotional intimacy. Generally speaking, there is some type of pattern which nearly all emotional affairs tend to follow which will be explained later.

They can begin quite innocently as a friendship but later become more closer and loving in character. It may sound old-fashioned, but you could really say it is an affair of the heart. Another way of putting it is that an emotional affair is a form of infidelity without consummation.

As many people who have gone through it can testify, dealing with an emotional affair in a marriage can be a very stressful and mentally taxing situation, not only for the people directly involved but also their friends and family.

First off, it is important to understand that there are two kinds of infidelity: physical and emotional infidelity. While most people do not differentiate between them, it is important to know which one you are facing seeing as how they stem from different origins.

When speaking of a physical affair, in most cases it all boils down to the cheating partner not being sexually satisfied, and thus seeking it elsewhere (of course, it’s nearly never this simply but generally speaking it’s accurate). On the other hand, we have emotional cheating which is a whole different ball game.

First of all, it is important to understand that two people who live together and have sacredly agreed to stay united until death sets them apart are, or at least were at some point in deep love with each other; both of them have invested a lot into the relationship for the sake of love.

The effects of an emotional affair

When someone discovers that their partner has been cheating on them because they love someone else, the answer is seldom in clear sight as to what has happened, why it happened, and where to go from here; a lifetime of work and emotional investment have just been flushed down the drain. As a result of such a shock, chances are that the victim will fall into a deep depression and become very nihilistic for weeks, if not months after.

They will feel as if they have wasted their lives building and maintain this relationship; they will feel forgotten, rejected and obsolete. As a result, they may end up either isolating themselves from everyone or lash out their anger and frustration on their family, neither of which is a pleasant scenario.

Needless to say, after an emotional affair has happened in the marriage, things will never go back to the way they used. Very rarely will the two people involved be able to look at each other in the same way or trust each other as before; a rule so sacred has been broken that the one at fault may never get a second chance, at least not from the partner on who they cheated.

Why did the emotional affair happen?

As you can see for yourself, an emotional affair is no laughing matter, and while it is true that the cause of it all varies from case to case, there is some type of general pattern which nearly all emotional cheating scenarios follow. In most cases, the person who commits the transgression does so usually because of either of the following two reasons: they no longer love their partner or they no longer feel loved by their partner.

The first situation, where they no longer love their partner, can usually arise after the couple has lived together for a long while and have naturally grown different as they got older. All of  a sudden, one of them realizes that their partner is not the person they knew all these years ago, and as a result feel detached from them.

They resort to cheating however because, as mentioned before, there has been too much invested into this castle to allow it to crumble like that. If on the other hand the person who has the emotional affair does not feel loved by their partner then it is possible that the affair is either an attempt to create a wake-up call, or simply an attempt to feed their need to be loved by someone.

Dealing with an emotional affair

Regardless of why it all happened, if you are facing this situation in your marriage than before abandoning all hope you should look at some emotional affair recovery options that are available to you. The best course of action to take in order to repair the relationship would be to see a counselor or a therapist who specializes in emotional infidelity among couples.

The road ahead will be tough, but if you want to save a marriage after an affair you will have to learn to love and trust that person all over again, and if you believe that a person cannot really change, especially at a later age, you would be surprised at how much power regret has and how it can steer a person’s life. As long as you both heavily and truly regret what happened, you will have a chance of making it through an emotional affair.

How do you get over an affair and learn to trust again? When one member of a marriage partnership, or of any committed relationship, undermines and destroys the trust of the other by having an affair, it may seem to be impossible to regain trust, and that the inevitable conclusion is divorce.

But if both partners decide to work together it may be possible to repair and save the relationship, and in fact it may even be possible for them to have a stronger marriage after an affair.

Affairs are not always about sex

Affairs occur more often than one might think, and while men were often considered to be the guilty party, it has become increasingly common for women to become involved in relationships outside of the marriage. Contrary to the common expectation infidelity does not always mean getting involved in a sexual relationship with someone that is not your marriage partner.

Both men and women choose to become involved with others to fulfil a need that is being met by their partner within the marriage, be it mental, emotional or physical. Once the innocent partner has been made aware of the other partners affair, there is a deep, wounding feeling of shock and betrayal, whether they find out through their own devices or whether the guilty partner decides to confess.

Click Here To Find Out How to Get Over an Affair >>

So how do you get over an affair?

The adulterer needs to allow the other partner time to ‘take in’ the fact that an affair has threatened the security and trust of their marriage, process their feelings, and accept that they have been cheated on. The unfaithful partner has had the advantage of time to consider the consequences of what their affair means to the marriage, and decide how what course of action they will take should they get caught, but for the other partner it is often unexpected and a shock.

The innocent partner will go through stages of disbelief, denial, anger and eventually acceptance, which is a normal process and to be expected. For there to be any hope of both partners being able to survive an affair, the wronged partner needs to be given the necessary time it takes to work through their emotions and make a decision about whether they have any interest in repairing their marriage.

This could take days or sometimes weeks, and the guilty partner needs to be patient during this process. Once emotions have settled down, both partners need to take the time to talk things through thoroughly, in order for there to be any chance of regaining trust after an affair.

Do you want to save the marriage after the affair?

Each partner has an obligation to the other to make a decision as to whether they want the marriage to continue. If both partners are in agreement and want to fight to save their marriage, seeking professional help to work through their feelings, and learn how to regain the trust that existed before the infidelity occurred is advised.

This process could take months, or even years, so a true commitment to rebuilding the marriage is required by both partners. If one partner is in any doubt but cannot bring themselves to file for divorce, counseling may help them find the commitment to work towards repairing the marriage, or alternatively help them realize that for them the marriage is beyond saving.

If healing is to be possible and trust to be regained, the unfaithful partner must understand the devastation the affair has caused their partner, and that trust will take time to rebuild.

You can regain the trust again

Suspicion is normal and should be expected for some time, but with love, respect and a committed willingness, trust can and will build again. A need to know where the unfaithful partner is at all times is normal, and while this may be difficult for the unfaithful partner they should be understanding and helpful, until eventually trust will begin to grow.

While it may trouble the unfaithful partner to be under suspicion and questioned about where they are and what they are doing, this is a normal response from the innocent partner. In time this need will become less and the unfaithful partner can help by complying with their partner’s request for information, and never giving cause for concern.

Trust after an affair, once regained, can often make a marriage stronger, with each partner having a better understanding of each others needs, the reasons for the affair, and how to avoid problems in the future. Trust is vital to a marriage, but it is possible to regain respect and trust after an affair.

How Do You Get Over An Affair? Click Here To Find Out  >>

There are many signs of a cheating husband that can put doubts in your mind. However, before you take your doubts any further you want to be absolutely certain that he is indeed cheating on you.

Have you been seeing changes in your husband’s behaviour? Has he been acting strange of late? Do you have reasons to believe he is cheating on you?

Whenever a wife suspects her husband is cheating it can cause her to feel confused and quite distraught because statistics show that 80% of the times when a wife suspects her husband is cheating it is normally so.

However, you should try to compose yourself, stay calm and level headed. Jumping at your husband and hurling accusations will not solve the problem as most men will deny the accusations.

So before you start acting on your feelings carefully look at the signs of a cheating husband and see if any of them apply to your situation.

1.   Has his work schedule suddenly changed?

Does he work very long hours than normal? Affairs at the workplace are one of the most common types of infidelity. If your husband has suddenly been spending longer than usual hours at the office without any valid reasons you should take note of whom he is with, where he is going and why. You want to know if this sudden change in schedule is a sign that he is having an affair. You need to gather all the facts before confronting him.

2.   Has your husband all of a sudden refused to share his emails with you.

Has he changed his password? Does he act weird or suddenly shut down the computer when you enter the room? If he has suddenly become secretive about his online activities then you need to take note of this. Many divorces are caused by a spouse connecting with someone online. There are tools available that you can use to check his online activities. You do not want to be caught snooping, however, you want to have proof when you confront him.

3.   Has his behaviour towards you changed?

Is he all of a sudden paying more attention to his appearance than usual? If he is starting to go out more often than usual with the boys this could be a sign of a cheating husband. If he has started becoming distant from you and not being involved in regular activities that you both found interested. Then, this could be a sign of a cheating husband.

4.   A lack of interest in sex could be a sign of a cheating husband.

However, not because he is not as interested does not mean he is cheating. There could be many reasons for his sudden lack of interest in sex with you. It could be physical or emotional problems that are weighing on his mind so don’t go jumping to conclusions based on this one factor.

5.   Is your husband all of a sudden taking interest in his car, like keeping it very clean?

He does not want any toys or car seat or anything linking him to having a family being obvious in his car. This could be a true sign of cheating. He is keeping his car spotless probably because he is using it for his rendezvous. If his behaviour towards his car has changed, this could be a sign of a cheating husband.

6.   Starts to take more interest in his appearance.

If your husband is one of those men who did not care much about his appearance and all of a sudden he has started checking himself in the mirror a lot and paying very close attention to his clothes and his hygiene, follow your gut instincts and check this out.

Usually when a man starts to pay special attention to his physique without your intervention then you should not ignore this.  As he started visiting the gym, is he now wearing cologne when he once never did?  These could all be innocent; however, your gut instinct should not be ignored.

Whenever you notice distinct changes in your husband’s behaviour without any noticeable or obvious reasons you will want to start paying close attention and start taking notes. You want to be sure of your suspicions before any confrontation.

Men are creatures of habit and most times the signs are there. However, most men will lie about the changes in their behaviour. Asking them might only lead to them trying to hide the truth. Therefore, it is a good idea to get as much proof as possible before you decide to confront them.

Keep an eye out for warning signs.

Not every unusual behaviour means your husband is cheating; however you do not want to turn a blind eye to obvious signs. Use your discretion and do some investigating, remember men will not normally admit to infidelity. You have to keep an eye out for the obvious changes and start taking notes.

This will give you the hard core proof you need to bring your suspicions to your husband out in the open. They will lie and sometimes try to turn everything on you.

It’s not your fault

The above are some of the signs of a cheating husband.  The main thing is; don’t blame yourself for your husband’s cheating.  Many women blame themselves and try to find a reason why their husband cheated to begin with. Don’t take the blame for something you are not responsible for.

It is hard moving a marriage forward when there is no trust and cheating can definitely break down the trust in a marriage.  It will take time to build trust again after an affair, and your husband has to prove he is worth gaining your trust again. If you love your husband and want to save your marriage you must seek counseling in some form or another.

With the right attitude your marriage can become strong again after an affair.  With hard work and dedication you can find trust once more.

I sincerely hope the signs of a cheating husband were all false in your case and that any changes you saw were just genuine changes in his personality and overall behaviour and not that he is cheating.

A cheating spouse will always be a painful discovery and is something that cannot be tackled easily.  The question arises in your mind “How can I find out if my husband or wife is cheating on me or even a boyfriend or a girlfriend, for that matter?”

Do You Have Too Much Trust?

One main advantage that a cheating spouse has is the trust factor.  When you have built a trusting relationship with your spouse, it is often very difficult to detect infidelity since you trust your spouse and are secure and comfortable and would not even want to think about your spouse lying, let alone cheating on you.

Signs Of Cheating Spouse Are Always There

Be warned, however, that signs of infidelity are always there, right under your nose, and it is only a question of how well you keep your eyes, ears open to look out for those warning signals.  Another problem you will face is that once you are suspicious of something, you tend to bring it out in the open which may only help your cheating spouse to adjust his or her behaviour and carry on the cheating in a more effective manner, so as not to be caught.

So, basically, trust and suspicion that is confronted can work favourably for your spouse, so before asking any questions, collect definite proof of cheating before seeking answers.

Of course, constant surveillance and careful observation is necessitated for discovering your cheating spouse, which may be unethical perhaps, but there is really no alternative here.  There is no other effective method to track down your cheating spouse apart from looking for warning signs and collect some proof of infidelity.

Some tips about a cheating wife could be:

•    Finding birth control pills in her medicine cabinet when you have undergone a vasectomy
•    Your wife has a new email ID without your knowledge
•    She goes to shop for groceries and returns hours later
•    Sets up a new cell phone account which is billed to her account
•    Buys some new clothes
•    Does not confide or share anything with you any more
•    Removes the wedding ring

Some tips about a cheating husband could be:

•    You find condoms in his pockets when you are already on the pill
•    You find hairs on his car seat
•    Children’s items become a nuisance for him in the car
•    Evidence of a scratch or bruise on his neck or face
•    He works overtime which is not displayed in the pay stub
•    Perfume smell in his clothes
•    Not eating well at mealtimes because he already had his at his mistresses’ home
•    Signs of lipstick on his dress
•    Tries out new ways of lovemaking

Apart from the above, some general warning signals that apply to both a cheating wife or cheating husband would be…

A sudden reduction in the amount of money deposited in your bank account, uncomfortable friends who would not want to let him or her down, your spouse is touchy and is not comfortable in your presence, intimate clothing found that was not given or bought by you, hanging up of the phone when you pick it up, deleting the incoming calls from the ID, deleting emails too, deliberately picks out a fight with you to get out of the house, whispers on the phone and hangs up suddenly when you arrive in the room etc.

Reasons  For A Cheating Spouse

Cheating spouses have their own reasons for doing so, for instance an unhappy relationship that lacks passion, warmth or love and a lack of appreciation from the other, but it does not necessarily justify their behaviour.  Differences have to be logically reasoned and the partners should take the time out to sit down and discuss the issues confronting them rather than resorting to extra marital affairs, which can only cause a lot of pain and turmoil to the other partner.

Discussing things in a mature manner, being a patient listener and trying to understand the other’s point of view can all be very helpful in bringing the issue to the fore and taking suitable actions immediately rather than let things go as they are and resort to unethical means like cheating on your spouse.

Of course, there are many online sites that offer computer software and spy devices and there are also many ebooks and guides that offer help in detecting a cheating spouse, but the success of these varies from person to person and depending on your own commonsense judgments is always better.

So, go ahead and speak out with your spouse and sort out your differences and avoid cheating on your spouse at all costs, as this can ruin your marriage!

A man in the chat rooms ran away with my wife and ended my marriage. My wife actually met him on Yahoo Chat as many cheating wives have done, and still are doing at this very moment.

I haven’t seen him in person, which is lucky for him, but I know someone who has and they helped me to find his picture on the internet. He is not handsome and looks quite old, even though he is younger than me, which is a relief because she hasn’t chosen someone that makes me feel inferior.

I may regret writing this someday but at the moment I don’t really care about the future and it makes me feel better to get it off my chest instead of bottling it all up. Bottom line is I am past caring what happens now.

As I have no other way of relieving my frustrations this true story about his cheating with my wife will have to do… for now. If he doesn’t like it then tough because it is the truth. I have lost everything so what more can I lose?

Of course, I realize that my wife is not blameless either because as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. However knowing my wife a lot better than he does, I am sure she has another reason for running away with him, which he might not realize just yet.

The danger of chat rooms to marriage…

This so-called man carried out a seedy internet love affair with my wife via Yahoo Chat, which is how many sad, lonely men like him get their jollies with cheating wives. They build up a strange little fantasy world around their online girlfriend without a thought about the other man involved, the husband.

There I was, sat in the house while my wife was on her laptop talking in the chat room, not realizing plans were being made to run way with a man who regarded her as his girlfriend and whom she only knows superficially. Who would think that merely sitting and typing on a PC could turn into an affair?

Well, the fact is, this is happening right now to many thousands of unsuspecting husbands all over the world – and wives too for that matter. Take this as a warning if your wife or husband uses chat rooms a lot.

In most cases, the man she falls for online is a lot different to be man he pretends to be. In fact, lying is one of the main activities in internet chat rooms, because the truth is often not very interesting. Can’t let the truth spoil their sad little fantasies can they?

And this goes for the cheating wife too. She presents only her best side to him, leaving out important details such as the fact that she is still married and living with her unsuspecting husband who really cares for her. After all, she can’t let minor details like being married get in the way of an internet love affair, can she?

Back to the story…

In the weeks before my wife sneaked off with him, she didn’t even show the telltale signs of cheating… you know things like suddenly starting to take more interest in her appearance. I think she knew he was no looker himself (see his picture… lol) so she didn’t even have to make herself look good for him.

Anyway, the culmination of all this online cheating is that this man came over from Norway to run away with what he termed his online girlfriend – my wife in other words.

She never gave me any clue that this was going to happen and left late at night using a cover story to deceive me about her real intentions. This happened five weeks ago and I haven’t seen or spoken to her since, but I have heard a few things of what she and him have been doing and where they have been.

Looking back, I ask myself why I didn’t see the signs of cheating. Maybe I was too trusting and missed them but there weren’t that obvious. As they say, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

What he does not know is that my wife is very demanding and will start to control every aspect of his life in very short time. Apparently, he has a lot of money, which he will need if he wants to keep hold of her. I have no doubt that money was the clincher to the deal – you only have to look at his photo to see that looks were not important to my wife.

I think he will finally realize that she isn’t the woman she made herself out to be in the Yahoo chat rooms. I know how she acted online and, believe me, that is not the real woman I was married to.

Over the years, I have realized that she is a liar and a control freak who gets what she wants no matter what and will make your life miserable until she gets it. I really doubt she is capable of feeling real love for any man.

She has always been a good actor and liar, which is a handy thing to be when you are talking in the chat room packed full of men, many of them looking for sex chat. Men can be such suckers for a sweet voice.

Call me stupid but, despite all her faults, she is still my wife and I did care for her but she never gave me any respect for all I did for her. She finally showed me the ultimate disrespect by leaving me for a man she barely knows

So what will the future bring?

How long this affair will last until he realizes what my wife is all about is anyone’s guess. Looking at his picture (which I found on his various internet profiles), I suspect he is a weak and lonely man and will put up with her demands just to keep her, but I very much doubt it will be a loving relationship. She will treat him like a doormat once she has him under her spell. It will be a give and take relationship, with her doing most of the taking as usual.

He will find that out before very long but he may be stupid enough like me to put up with it. My fervent hope is that she messes with his head just as she has messed with mine for many years, and that their relationship falls apart in a very short time.

Whatever, happens, I am resigned to the fact that she won’t be coming back to me and that my marriage is over. Time is a great healer as I have found out after losing loved ones before, but it will never hide the scars.

Update:

My wife came back after just over 6 weeks away and it looks like this internet affair has fizzled out. I don’t think it was anything to do with real love anyway on her part. She has shown no remorse over what she has done, which is par for the course.

We are not arguing over what has happened because what’s done is done and life is miserable enough anyway without adding to it. We are keeping our distance from each other apart from discussing the practicalities of everyday living in a civil manner.

It’s some comfort that she is not with anyone else but the marriage is over now and I am just waiting to find a place to move out to. It’s time to move on and rebuild my life.

Did you know that an emotional affair can be just as dangerous to a marriage as a physical affair, and sometimes more so? And that spouses who never had any intention of cheating can unwittingly become enmeshed in an emotional affair?

Many spouses will shrug off questions about an emotional affair with the reply that “It’s harmless” or “We’re just friends.” They fail to see the damage that the emotional closeness with someone outside of the marriage is doing to the primary relationship.

Individuals who are the most vulnerable to becoming involved in an emotional affair are those in a marriage where emotional intimacy is lacking. Their marriage may be going through a period of hostility, emotional distance, and conflict. The “friends” are sucked into the emotional affair by the seductive lure and pull of an intense emotional connection to each other that feels easy, safe, and comforting.

Under the surface there’s a strong sexual chemistry that’s covered up by the “friendship.” And, of course, there’s the excitement that’s heightened by the secrecy that surrounds the new-found intimacy. Even though the “friendship” may begin innocently enough, as it progresses the bond between the two individuals deepens and drains energy away from the marital relationship.

The two individuals involved in the emotional affair may have been casual friends or co-workers to start with. Or they may have met online in a chat room. At some point, they started confiding feelings and personal details about themselves, their partners, and their relationships that their spouses would have seen as a violation of trust. And that was the first danger signal that indicated trouble ahead.

The second danger indicator was when they started sharing more with the “friend” than with their spouse and depending on the “friend” for their primary emotional support. At some point, they began to feel that the “friend” understood them better than their own spouse did and was easier to communicate with. They felt a sense of companionship with the “friend” that was lacking with their spouse.

The third red flag indicating danger ahead was when they began keeping their conversations and the frequency of contact secret from their spouses. This is a definite danger sign. Both individuals knew that their spouses would be upset if they knew the extent of the contact, the depth of the emotional connection, and the intimate subjects being routinely discussed.

Finding out that your spouse is involved in an emotional affair can feel like the ultimate betrayal, and many spouses view it that way. They view what has happened as deception and they feel betrayed.

The partner involved in the emotional affair usually attempts to downplay and minimize what has happened. She (or he) may rationalize that nothing physical has happened, so there’s nothing for the spouse to be upset about. She may accuse the spouse of being jealous and controlling to get him to back off.

But an emotional affair can hasten the demise of a marriage. It drains the attention and focus that could have been put into tackling problems in the marriage and improving the quality of the relationship. Instead, it siphons off the energy that’s needed to put new life into a tired, ailing marriage. The spouse ends up forming a close, intimate connection with a “friend” outside the marriage while the marriage suffers from emotional neglect and decreased commitment.

The sad thing is that if the “friends” end up divorcing their respective spouses and getting married, the same patterns that were present in their former marriages will show up once again down the road in the new marriage.

When challenging problems develop again, they will be inclined to repeat their pattern of escaping and avoiding them by bonding with another “friend” for support. Issues that haven’t been dealt with in one relationship always resurface again in subsequent relationships. It’s only a matter of time until they pop up again.

So what can you do if you or your spouse is involved in an emotional affair? Here are some tips to follow if you are serious about wanting to keep your marriage:

1. Immediately, make your marriage your top priority. Direct your time, energy, focus, and attention on understanding what has happened and coming up with an action plan to improve the emotional intimacy in your marriage.

Cut back on elective activities and carve out time to spend with your spouse. Everything else is secondary if you truly want your marriage to make it.

2. Marriage counseling is a must in order to have a safe place to discuss the emotionally-charged issues surrounding an emotional affair. It helps considerably to have an objective professional who can help guide you and your spouse through the landmines.

You want to get the real issues and accompanying feelings out in the open where they can be addressed. If you try to cover things up and limp along without really looking closely at why the emotional betrayal happened, nothing has been remedied. That’s a set-up for having a repeat experience.

3. Both spouses need to make a commitment to ending any secrecy about who they are talking to, how often, what about, etc. There can’t be anything hidden if trust is going to be regained and the marital relationship healed.

The same dynamics that are present in a physical affair will be present in an emotional affair, also. The spouse with the “friend” may not have overtly lied to the partner about the emotional dependency but rather just didn’t ever mention it, an act of omission. The impact on the relationship is the same.

4. Obviously, contact with the “friend” cannot continue in the same way. Seeing that person and having some interaction may be necessary if both parties work together, and there will certainly be a period of transition involved.

Anything involving a work situation can be awkward and delicate, and co-workers are bound to notice the change in interactions between the person ending the affair and the “friend.” There’s nothing easy about ending an emotional affair. The painful period just has to be endured. It the situation is unworkable, one or the other may need to change jobs.

5. Consider your counseling options. If your spouse is involved in an emotional affair and won’t acknowledge the seriousness of it, make any changes, or agree to go to counseling to discuss it, then you need to begin individual counseling sessions to help you deal with the situation and decide what to do.

Sometimes you have to tread lightly when a partner is caught up in an emotional affair and give things some time and space. In some cases, the current “friend” will eventually pull away and get closer to a new “friend” on the scene. If that happens, your spouse may be more likely to look back at the marriage with more interest.

If not, the moment will probably eventually come when you won’t be able to tolerate the situation any longer and may need to consider a separation. Sometimes, this serves as the catalyst to make a spouse reconsider what he or she is doing.

There are many options on the continuum of what to do next, and that’s where a counselor can be of valuable assistance.

Keep Your Marriage

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-creator of “Keep Your Marriage” which is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, as well as a free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine . Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to individuals and couples who want to overcome relationship problems and create a rewarding, loving partnership.

This SniperSpy review can only give you an idea of just how powerful remote spyware really is and how it can help you to monitor internet activity.There is not much that can be hidden from SniperSpy but you must use it for the right reasons.

It might seem a little out of place to have an article about spying software on a blog about marriage but if you read on you will understand why.

What is SniperSpy?

Sniperspy is a computer surveillance software program which will allow you to secretly see what someone is doing on a remote PC. This program remotely installs to your hard-to-reach computer through email. The program then records user activities and sends the data to your online control panel which you access via a password-protected login.

You then simply login to your control panel to view the pc monitoring results using your own password-protected account. SniperSpy records actual screenshots and real text logs of activities like full chat conversations, websites visited, applications executed, keystrokes typed, windows clicked and more.

Remote computer monitoring

The computer surveillance software that is available for monitoring PC activity varies in capability but, in general, what most of these software programs do is keep track of what someone is doing on a computer. There are valid reasons for doing this.

As you know, the internet has become an integral part of our lives for finding out information, keeping in touch with friends and family and generally having fun. Like many good things though there is a dangerous side to the internet such as internet predators grooming children. That’s why parental monitoring software can be a good buy if you have children and want to keep them safe when online.

Although many parents buy computer monitoring software to keep an eye on their children’s online activities to protect them from internet predators, it is also used by many businesses for keeping an eye on what their employees are doing. There is another reason why people buy remote monitoring software and that is to spy on a suspected cheating spouse.

Spy on your spouse?

I know it sounds underhand, but one disturbing trend on the internet is the rise in internet affairs, usually via the medium of internet chat rooms and instant messaging programs. If you suspect your spouse is cheating this is where computer spying software can be useful, but this comes with moral implications. Should you use it to spy on your spouse or not? If you think you should then just check out the legality of doing so before you decide. You could get in a whole load of trouble if you are not careful.

Of course, the one doing the cheating will usually take steps to avoid detection by password protecting their PC and keeping anything that they don’t want anyone to see well hidden. They may think that this is enough to stop prying eyes but there is always a way to catch a cheater if you have the right internet spying software. In fact it’s possible to install the software and monitor computer activity from another PC in any location!

What Sniperspy will uncover for you.

• Saves actual screenshots.
• Records all chat messages.
• Saves Web sites visited.
• Log all keystrokes that have been typed in.
• Emails.
• Send all this information to your private account.

As you can see there is not much that can be hidden from these computer spy software programs and SniperSpy can do more than most.

Will users know SniperSpy is installed once they execute it?

The only way they will know is if you chose the “Alert User at Startup” option while creating your module. If you didn’t choose that option then nothing will be displayed to notify the user.

Testimonials from satisfied customers

“I checked out all spy software and surely this is the best program out there. I wanted to investigate if my spouse had any bank accounts hiding from me and this program really did the trick. The actual screenshot feature allowed me to take a look at his computer screen when he checked the bank accounts and my suspicion was right. I’ll definitely have a thorough discussion about this. This is great software at a very reasonable price, more people should know about it and I will definitely refer any interested friends to your site as well.”

This review can only give you an idea of just how powerful computer spy software like SniperSpy really is and how it can help you to monitor internet activity. There is not much that can be hidden from SniperSpy and if you visit their website you will get the complete picture.

There are a few computer realtime spy programs available but SniperSpy is without doubt one of the best ones you can buy. Customer support is excellent and if you want peace of mind then this will allow you to find out the truth very quickly.

Should you use computer spy software?

After reading this review of SniperSpy just be aware that you have to use it for the right reasons, but it is your choice regarding what you do with it when all is said and done. Spy software has valid uses but please think carefully about how you will use it before you go ahead and buy it.

Click to visit the SniperSpy Website

Other computer surveillance software.

AceSpy

PC Pandora

If you’re a woman whose husband has been having an affair there are bound to be many thoughts and images whirring around in your head that you feel you really have to talk about. When faced with infidelity it’s only natural to have many questions you feel need answering in order to preserve your sanity.

But, one of the hardest things you have to face is deciding whether or not you really need to talk about the affair. You want to find out the truth but what questions should you ask and when should you ask them?

Not only that, should you ask them at all? You might not like what you hear and this could cause even more damage than has already been done. It is a delicate balancing act to get it right so here are a few words of advice that might help.

Firstly, should you even talk about the affair?

You should only do this if you feel you cannot get over the affair without discussing it with your husband. At times, things are best left unsaid but if they are bothering you then it might be best to get them off your chest.

Having said that there are some things that can be risky to talk about even though they are tormenting you inside. Some of these questions might have answers that will cause you more emotional pain than you are already feeling. You need to think about this carefully if you want to spare yourself from more heartache.

Do You Really Want The Whole Truth?

If you really feel you have to know the truth then please don’t rush things. Write down any questions you feel you need to have the answers to and think them over for a few days.

It’s a good idea to sit back and consider if you really want to know everything about the affair in minute detail. Be honest, do you really want to know all about the other woman and how your husband treated her in comparison to you? Finding the answers to questions like this might make you feel even worse and could do more harm than good.

Here’s The Most Important Thing…

What’s really important to know is whether or not the affair is over and if you can trust your husband again – not what happened during the affair, no matter how desperate you are to find out what really went on and why. However, if you feel you really need to discuss the affair there are a number of guidelines you should adhere to if you want to answers to your questions.

You can find out what these guidelines are in How To Survive An Affair. It is based on over 30 years of experience in handling the problems caused by affairs and has the answers to many of the problems you are facing right now.

How To Survive An Affair will show you how to heal your emotions so that you can think more clearly about what to do next and help you get over the pain and humiliation caused by the affair. It will help you understand the reasons why your husband had an affair and how to deal with his infidelity.

It’s a comprehensive program which is far less expensive than counselling especially if your husband won’t discuss what happened with you. Even if he won’t talk at first, once your husband sees the change in you, he may want to go through the program with you as many couples have done.

Coping with infidelity won’t be easy but How To Survive An Affair has lots of crucial advice on what to do and what not to do after the affair. Even if you feel the marriage is over because of what happened it can still help you with the healing process and show you how to trust again in any future relationships.